Going Upstream — Leader’s Field Guide
CRFD — FLOW Program
Going Upstream
Leader’s Field Guide
Upstream
Midstream
Downstream
Riverbank
📊
What Am I Seeing?
4 levels: Moment to Crisis
🧭
Before the Conversation
5 questions first
🗣️
Conversation Structure
5-part framework
⚡
Nervous System
Fight · Flight · Freeze · Fawn · Shutdown
🚨
Crisis — What to Do Right Now
Suicidal · Impaired · Threat · Trauma · Medical · DV
❗
The Direct Question
Suicide — how to ask and what to do
👥
Crew Culture
Table · Targeting · Gossip · Reset
🔗
When to Call FLOW
Who to involve and when
💬
Scripts
What to say — by situation
🪞
Leader’s Own Check
Before you respond
↩️
Return & Reintegration
4 questions for any return
📞
Resources
FLOW · 988 · Safe Call Now ←
What Am I Seeing?
Know the baseline. Notice the change. Look for the pattern. Place what you observe in one of four levels — each requires a different response.
Moment
Isolated. Followed by recovery or repair. Person returns to baseline.
→ Brief correction or check-in. Monitor. Move on if repaired.
Pattern
Repeated. Affecting work, crew, or trust. Not resolving.
→ Private conversation. Specific behavior. Clear expectation. Document. Follow up.
Escalation
Worsening. Intensifying. Person may not be okay. Hopeless language appearing.
→ Connect FLOW. Consult chain of command. Document. Do not carry alone.
Crisis
Immediate safety concern. Suicidal statements. Threats. Impairment. Cannot function.
→ Do not leave alone. Follow policy. FLOW + command + emergency services NOW.
The Five Markers — Reading a Pattern
Frequency
How often is it happening? Is it increasing?
Intensity
How strong is the behavior? Is it escalating?
Duration
How long does it last? Does the person return to baseline?
Context
When, where, around whom? This often reveals the lever.
Consequences
Is safety, crew, or trust affected?
When in Doubt
“Treat it as the higher level until you know more.” ←
Before the Conversation
Ask yourself these five questions before walking in. They take thirty seconds and change what happens next.
What specific behavior am I addressing? Not a label — what actually happened?
Is this different from their baseline, or is this who they have always been?
Is this a moment, a pattern, an escalating concern, or a crisis?
What do I want the outcome of this conversation to be?
Am I regulated enough to lead this conversation well, or do I need to pause first?
Timing and Setting
- →Private when possible. Not the table, not the bay.
- →Not in the heat of the moment unless safety requires it.
- →Set a specific time — vague intentions become avoidance.
- →If it IS a safety issue: act now, bring support.
What You Are Not There to Do
- ✕Diagnose the person.
- ✕Ask for unnecessary private details.
- ✕Promise confidentiality you cannot keep.
- ✕Carry a crisis-level concern alone.
- ✕Become the therapist, secret-keeper, or only support.
←
Conversation Structure
Every effective leadership conversation follows this structure. The exact words can change. The sequence should not.
1
I noticed…
Name the specific, observable behavior. No labels. No character.
“The assigned duties were incomplete on the last three shifts.”
2
The impact is…
Explain why it matters — safety, crew, trust, readiness.
“Other crew members are finishing the work. That affects trust.”
3
I want to understand…
Ask what is getting in the way. One question. Wait for the answer.
“What is getting in the way of completing them before shift change?”
4
The expectation is…
State the standard clearly and specifically.
“Duties complete before shift change or you communicate the problem.”
5
The next step is…
Name the plan, support, or follow-up. Close with something concrete.
“Use the checklist and report back before 1600. I follow up next shift.”
Holding Concern and Accountability Together
“I care what is going on with you, and this behavior still has to change.”
“You matter here, and the expectation still matters.”
“This is not about shame. It is about support, accountability, and moving forward.”
The ABC Helping Framework
For when someone is struggling, not when you are correcting.
A
Achieve Contact
Slow down. Be present. This is conversation, not interrogation.
“I’ve noticed you haven’t seemed like yourself. How are things actually going?”
B
Boil Down the Problem
The problem on top is not always the problem underneath. Clarity before solutions.
“What is the hardest part right now?”
C
Coping Skills Identified
Help them find a path forward. Not rescue — support.
“What has helped before? What would make this even 10% better?” ←
Nervous System
When the alarm gets tripped, people react before they think. This is not attitude. It is protection. A regulated leader stays effective when the other person is not.
⚡ Fight
Arguing, interrupting, sarcasm, blame, escalating, challenging authority.
Stay calm. Name specific behavior. Move private. Don’t match the intensity.
“We’re not doing this at the table. We’ll talk privately.”
🏃 Flight
Avoiding the conversation, leaving the room, disappearing, calling out.
Reduce threat. Pause — but follow up. Avoidance cannot end the conversation.
“We’re going to pause and come back at 1500. This is not finished.”
🧊 Freeze
Goes blank, silent, cannot respond, appears disconnected or indifferent.
Slow down. Fewer words. One question. Give processing time.
“Take a minute. I want you to understand, not just stand here and nod.”
🤝 Fawn
Agrees immediately, apologizes repeatedly, does not follow through.
Agreement is not understanding. Ask what the plan actually is.
“You don’t need to just agree with me. I need to know what the plan is.”
💤 Shutdown
Flat, detached, stopped participating, doesn’t react to consequences. “Whatever.”
Connect before correct. Check safety. This may be more than fatigue.
“When you say none of this matters — are you thinking about killing yourself?”
The Leader’s Own Alarm
Leaders have alarm systems too. Check yours before responding.
- ?Am I too activated to have this conversation well?
- ?Am I reacting to this moment or to a longer frustration?
- ?Am I trying to correct — or to win?
- ?Do I need to pause before I respond?
←
Crisis — Right Now
🚨 The Leader’s Job in Crisis
Stay present. Keep the person safe. Get the right help there as fast as possible. You are not there to resolve it — you are there to bridge it.
⚠️ Suicidal Crisis
- Do not leave the person alone.
- Ask directly: “Are you thinking about killing yourself?”
- If yes or unclear: call FLOW + chain of command + 911 if immediate danger.
- Do not promise confidentiality. Safety overrides it.
- Weapon access → involve law enforcement.
🍺 On-Duty Impairment
- Remove from operational duties immediately. Safety first.
- Do not allow the person to drive.
- Follow department impairment protocol.
- Involve chain of command immediately.
- If impairment + suicidal language + weapon: all three resources now.
😡 Threat to Others
- Take every threat seriously. Do not dismiss as venting.
- Ensure the safety of any identified target immediately.
- Involve chain of command and law enforcement.
- Do not de-escalate a credible threat alone.
- Duty to warn may apply — involve command and HR.
💔 Acute Trauma Response
- Remove from operational activity.
- Private, quiet space. Reduce stimulation.
- Stay present. “You’re at the station. You’re safe. I’m right here.”
- Slow breathing. Don’t process the incident in the acute phase.
- Connect FLOW. Assess for suicidal ideation alongside.
🏥 Medical / Psychiatric Emergency
- When in doubt, call 911.
- Sudden confusion, disorientation, or agitation without explanation = medical first.
- Do not manage psychotic symptoms through conversation.
- Stay with the person. Keep environment calm.
- Involve chain of command immediately.
🏠 Domestic Violence Entering the Station
- Take the disclosure seriously. DV is severely underreported in fire service.
- Ensure the firefighter’s immediate safety at the station.
- Involve FLOW. Do not mediate the interpersonal dynamics.
- Visible injury or immediate danger → law enforcement.
- Firearms access is an additional variable. Do not manage alone.
- Assess for suicidal risk alongside DV disclosure.
When in Doubt
Call FLOW. The cost of an unnecessary call is far lower than the cost of a delayed one. ←
The Direct Question
Research is clear: asking does not increase risk.
It reduces isolation and opens the door.
“Are you thinking about killing yourself?”
Use that language. Not “dark thoughts.” Not “anything stupid.” Clear language communicates you can hold this conversation. Euphemisms communicate you cannot.
How to Open It
“I’ve been watching you and I’m concerned. I need to ask directly: are you thinking about killing yourself?”
“When you said none of this matters, I took that seriously. Are you thinking about suicide?”
“You seem really different. I’m not going to pretend I haven’t noticed. Are you having thoughts of killing yourself?”
If the Answer Is Yes or Unclear
“I’m glad you told me. I’m taking this seriously.”
“I’m not going to leave you with this alone.”
“We’re going to get you the right support right now.”
Then:
Do not leave the person alone.
Call FLOW immediately. Involve chain of command.
Call 911 if immediate danger, means, or specific plan with timeline.
Weapon access → involve law enforcement.
If the Answer Is No
“I’m glad. I want you to know I’m still paying attention. If that changes, I need you to tell me.”
“I hear you. I’m still concerned about what I’ve been seeing, and I want to make sure you have support.”
If warning signs remain, connect FLOW anyway. The concern is about what you are observing — not only what the person disclosed.
What Raises Concern Level Immediately
- 🔴Any specific plan or method mentioned
- 🔴Access to means — weapons, medications, equipment
- 🔴A timeline or intended date
- 🔴Intoxication combined with suicidal communication
- 🔴Giving away belongings or unusual goodbyes
- 🔴Sudden calm after visible distress
- 🔴Previous suicide attempt
- 🔴”You’d all be better off without me”
- 🔴Multiple factors present simultaneously
←
Crew Culture
Culture is what the crew repeats — not what the department posts. Leaders shape it one response at a time. What they allow becomes normal. What becomes normal becomes culture.
Table Reset
Crew pattern needs collective address ▼
“We can joke here. We are not going to make one person the target. Bring me work issues with specific behavior. The table is not going to be used to humiliate someone.”
“There have been side conversations, sarcasm, and avoidance. That’s affecting the crew. Going forward: work issues go to leadership directly.”
Teasing Becoming Targeting
Same person is the repeated punchline ▼
“That crossed the line.”
“We can joke without making him the target.”
“Healthy humor brings people in. This is pushing someone out.”
“If there is a work issue, bring me specific behavior.”
Gossip
Crew discussing someone’s private situation ▼
“That is not ours to process at the table.”
“If there is a safety concern, bring it directly to me. If not, we are not spreading it.”
“If you care about someone, do not turn their hardest moment into station material.”
Informal Leader Undermining
Senior crew member shaping the room negatively ▼
“You have influence here. When you make those comments, the crew follows your lead. I need you using that influence to strengthen the crew, not undercut it.”
“If you disagree with me, bring it to me directly. Do not use the table to undermine the expectation.”
Harassment Pushback
Crew resists the leader’s intervention ▼
“Whether it was meant as a joke, the impact is what I am addressing.”
“I know this is unpopular. It is still the right call.”
“Protecting the crew does not mean protecting harmful behavior.”
“You do not have to agree with my decision. The expectation is still professional behavior.”
Ten Protective Habits
Know the baseline
Leaders know what normal looks like before there is a problem.
Check in early
Address concerns at the moment of change, not after the pattern hardens.
Correct privately
Individual correction without the crew as audience.
Describe behavior
Labels are replaced with observable, specific, dateable behavior.
Follow up after hard calls
Post-call check-ins are normalized, not reserved for visible breakdown.
Interrupt targeting
Intervene when the same person becomes the repeated target.
Address gossip
Private information stays private. Rumor is not processed at the table.
Use FLOW before crisis
Connect support proactively — not only after breakdown.
Repair conflict
Acknowledge impact and reset instead of carrying grudges.
Consult when unsure
Leaders seek help before carrying too much alone. ←
When to Call FLOW
Match the resource to the level of concern. When uncertain which category applies — call FLOW. FLOW will help assess.
FLOW
Suicidal ideation without immediate plan or means
FLOW + 911
Active ideation with plan, means, or timeline
CHAIN
On-duty impairment — follow department protocol
LAW + CHAIN
Credible threat toward others — ensure target safety
FLOW
Acute trauma response not resolving after a call
911
Medical or psychiatric emergency — do not delay
FLOW + CHAIN
Domestic violence disclosure
LAW + FLOW
Domestic violence with immediate danger or weapon
FLOW
Escalating concern — person seems not okay, pattern is worsening
FLOW
Leader is uncertain which category applies
FLOW
Leader needs consultation after a difficult incident
Connecting FLOW — What to Say
“This seems bigger than a routine leadership conversation. I want to connect you with FLOW.”
“FLOW is available for exactly this kind of situation — not only crisis. You don’t have to wait.”
“I’m going to call FLOW right now, and I’m going to stay with you while we do it.”
“This is about support, not punishment. You are not in trouble for needing help.” ←
Scripts
Starting points — not memorized speeches. The structure matters more than the exact words. Adapt to your voice and the situation.
Basic Check-In
Person seems different from baseline ▼
“You seem different from your usual baseline. I’m not here to pry. I just wanted to ask if you’re okay and whether anything is affecting your ability to function here.”
If they say they’re fine:
“Okay. I hear you. I’m going to check back in.”
Performance Pattern
Repeated behavior needs direct address ▼
“I want to talk about a pattern. Over the last few shifts, I’ve noticed repeated issues with follow-through. The impact is that other people are carrying extra work. What is getting in the way?”
Then:
“The expectation is clear. We need a plan for this to change. I will follow up next shift.”
Defensiveness
Person argues, denies, or escalates ▼
“I’m willing to hear your perspective. We’re still staying focused on the specific behavior.”
“This is getting too heated to be useful. We’ll pause and come back at 1500.”
If they accuse you of targeting:
“I’m addressing specific behavior, dates, and impact. Let’s stay with that.”
Concern + Accountability
Leader needs to hold both care and standard ▼
“I care what is going on with you, and this behavior still has to change.”
“You matter here, and the expectation still matters.”
“I want to understand what is getting in the way, and we need a plan.”
Support Connection
Issue seems bigger than ordinary correction ▼
“This seems bigger than a routine conversation. I don’t need all the private details — I do want to connect you with support.”
“FLOW is available for what accumulates over time, not only for crisis. I don’t want you carrying this alone.”
After a Difficult Call
Call may have affected the person ▼
“That was a hard call. You don’t have to process everything here. Are you okay to keep functioning?”
“If this call follows you home, don’t wait until it gets worse. Connect with FLOW or peer support.”
Leader Repair
Leader reacted poorly and needs to reset ▼
“I want to reset part of that conversation. The issue I raised was valid. My tone did not help.”
“I should have handled that privately. The concern still matters.”
Note: Own the tone. Do not withdraw the standard.
Refusing Help
Person resists support after safety concern ▼
“I hear that you don’t want anyone involved. I still have a responsibility because safety is involved.”
“I would rather have you angry at me and safe than leave this unsupported.”
“You’re not in trouble for needing help. We’re connecting help because this is serious.”
Moral Injury Acknowledgment
Struggling with a decision or institutional betrayal ▼
“What you’re describing sounds like something more than stress. It sounds like something that is sitting wrong with you morally. That has a name: moral injury. And it responds to a different kind of support.”
“FLOW works with moral injury specifically. This is not about venting. It’s about processing something standard approaches don’t always touch.”
Closing a Conversation
Ending with clarity and a plan ▼
Always close with: behavior addressed / expectation / plan / follow-up point.
“Here is what we agreed to. The duties need to be complete before shift change. Use the checklist and report back before 1600. I will follow up next shift.” ←
Leader’s Own Check
The leader’s internal state shapes every conversation. These questions help before you walk in, and after a difficult response.
Before You Respond
“Am I too activated to have this conversation well?”
“Am I reacting to this moment or to a longer frustration?”
“Am I trying to correct — or to win?”
“Is this a safety issue right now, or can this wait for the right moment?”
“Do I need to pause before I respond?”
Physical Regulation — Right Now
- →Slow exhale — longer than the inhale.
- →Relax jaw and shoulders.
- →Both feet on the floor.
- →Lower volume and slow your pace.
- →Sit instead of standing over someone.
- →Step away from the audience.
Warning Signs in Yourself
Contempt is the most dangerous. It looks like:
- ⚠️”He’s useless.” “She’s just drama.” “They’re weak.”
- ⚠️Correcting publicly when private would work.
- ⚠️Avoiding hard conversations instead of having them.
- ⚠️Becoming the firefighter’s only support person.
- ⚠️Carrying a crisis-level concern alone.
“I am too frustrated to be accurate right now.” [Internal — say this to yourself before responding.]
After a Difficult Incident
- →Debrief with FLOW, peer support, or a trusted colleague.
- →Do not move immediately back into normal operations as though nothing happened.
- →Delayed reactions are normal — the adrenaline takes time.
- →A leader who gets their own support models that it is what capable people do.
←
Return & Reintegration
Return is a transition, not a declaration that everything is fine. The leader’s job: welcome them back, clarify expectations, protect dignity, keep the door open.
The Four Questions Every Return Should Answer
1. What stays private?
What crew members know, what remains confidential, and how the leader will respond to questions.
2. What needs to be repaired?
Whether harm occurred, what repair looks like, and who is responsible for what part of it.
3. What expectations are clear?
What the person is expected to do, what changed, and what accountability looks like going forward.
4. What support remains connected?
FLOW, peer support, or other resources still in place — and how the leader is following up.
Return Conversation — Ask the Firefighter
“What would make the return go as smoothly as possible?”
“What do you want the crew to know, if anything?”
“What do you not want discussed?”
“What support do you already have in place?”
“What should I watch for that would tell us you need more support?”
Crew Communication
“He is returning to shift. We are respecting privacy. The expectation is that we treat him professionally and bring any work concerns directly to leadership.”
If gossip appears:
“We are not processing someone else’s private situation at the table. If there’s a safety concern, bring it to me directly.”
Three Patterns That Derail Return
Shame
Person withdraws or shows escalating distress. Protect from targeting, reinforce belonging, connect FLOW if distress increases.
Overprotection
Leader or crew walks on eggshells. Lower expectations undermine confidence. Hold the same standard as everyone else.
Crew Resentment
Coldness, exclusion, or side comments. Address both: validate frustration without endorsing targeting. ←
Resources
FLOW — Post Trauma Resources
CRFD’s behavioral health and peer support program. For check-ins, referrals, crisis support, and leader consultation. Not just for crisis — for what accumulates.
[Insert FLOW contact number]
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
Call or text 24/7. Also available for people concerned about someone else. Confidential.
Safe Call Now
First responder-specific support line. Staffed by first responders and mental health professionals. Confidential. May land differently than department-connected resources.
Emergency Services
For immediate danger — suicidal crisis with means or plan, medical emergency, violence, weapon access in distress. Do not delay emergency services for internal process.
When to Use Each
FLOW
Behavioral health support, leader consultation, crisis bridge, proactive referral
988
Firefighter who won’t call FLOW, outside-of-work crisis, middle-of-the-night concern
SCN
Person resistant to department-connected resources; wants peer-only contact
911
Immediate danger: active crisis with means, medical emergency, violence